Unscrambling Eggs

Pained Saturday

2005-07-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

Crazy, freaking study of the law.

It has been three whole weeks of frantic studying.

Suddenly, we don't have classes for "security" reasons, so it's going to be a looong weekend. Cause of joy? Not for me. I am penniless, and one of my tonsils is enflamed. I coudn't quite fathom why i only have 40pesos in my pocket to last me till Monday. (*Note: there is nothing stocked here to eat)

And because I'm hungry, i couldn't study. Add to this is the fact that i never wished i'd be a nerd.

Ohmanohmanohman. This is not how i write. but given my plight, i guess i really couldnt do anything more.

ycip

2005-03-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

We are pleased to inform you that we are about to launch a one-of-a-kind project under the aegis of the LAKAS-CMD Party and spearheaded by Rep. Juan Miguel Zubiri. The project is the month-long FIRST LAKAS-CMD YOUTH CONGRESSIONAL INTERNSHIP PROGRAM (YCIP) which will start on April 12, 2005.

YCIP promises an intensive, hands-on training for future policy-makers, government employees and personnel. It pairs off an intern with a LAKAS-CMD House Representative, thereby providing a chance for the intern to have access to the internal workings of a policy-maker with regards to his/her work in the congress, obligations to the public, business sector and fellow policy-makers.

We would like to invite you to grab this once in a lifetime opportunity to receive “reality immersion” and be trained to deal with unexpected events and handle people and pressure.

Because of the rigorous training that lies ahead, the interns will be chosen based on a solid application process. The chosen interns will then be known as YCIs(Youth Congressional Interns) and will benefit from the following:

a. be assigned to a representative and work with his/her staff
b. be part of the representative’s team within an interval of forty-five(45) days
c. participate in workshops and for a designed to evaluate performance and maximize potentials
d. enhance network and gain an edge in terms of work experience

The program seeks young people who are 17-22 years old and preferably enrolled in the Social Sciences, Public Administration or Mass Communication degree programs. They should have a strong interest in policy-making and public service and are willing to commit to the month-long program.

Interested students may submit a comprehensive resume with picture, together with a cover letter, not later than March 23, 2005 at:

The Office of Rep. Juan Miguel Zubiri
Room 409, Mitra Building
House of Representatives
Batasan Complex, Quezon City

Should there be any questions, please feel free to contact the following:

Kathy Charcos – 09224984128/ apply_ycip@yahoo.com
Alexis Valdivia – 951-8957/ 09209120688
Venus Coraza -- 09178509009

Thank you very much. We look forward to having a fruitful working relationship with you.

Sincerely,

Katheri Ann L. Charcos
YCIP Project Coordinator

Sex and Old People

2005-02-09T11:26:00.000+08:00

It’s amazing how hard it is to trudge uphill.
You almost wish to cry
You almost want to vomit that sick frustration that is making you so dizzy
You are sickened with the fact that they know—
But they don’t care
Maybe they care too much
Or they care in a different way
The lines between caring and not caring seemed blurred.
These things that they refuse to talk about –
Even refuse to say—
Breasts, vagina, sex, love
Do these fade with age?
Or are these bitter memories
Of a lost sparks, lost loves, lost lives?
You will never know.
All you see are their icy stares
Stopping you in your tracks
Yet daring you still—
To move a little bit closer to where their hearts are.

Pretty, Witty, Talented Girls

2005-02-07T16:20:00.001+08:00

What is so wrong with love?
Nothing, they say.
Then why is it, that when love takes other forms
Everybody just shies away.

Let me tell you a story
Of a love that cannot be

This is the story of Sam
Pretty, witty, talented Sam
Who fell in love in one big bang
With a pretty, witty, talented girl
Who sometimes look, just like her.

It started out pretty fine
They were just friends, although there were signs
And they grew closer in the course of time
And everybody just started to whine.

Let me tell you a story
Of a love that is free
But ultimately cannot be

So pretty, witty, talented Sam
Quick to hear other people’s tongues
Distanced herself from the pretty, witty, girl
Who sometimes look just like her.

And the pretty, witty, talented girl
Who sometimes look just like her
Looks at Sam with sad, questioning eyes
While nursing deep inside her never ending cries

Let me tell you a story
Of a love that is free
Of a love that all can see
But ultimately cannot be

Babae

2005-02-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

Haliparot, talipandas, pokpok, puta.
Babaeng ang lipad ay mababa.
Babaeng pakawala.
Tunay na kaawa-awa.

Tigang, manhid, nasa loob ang kulo
Babaeng masyadong konserbatibo
Babaeng parang plastik
Mag-ingat sa tagong tinik.

Tibo, tomboy, trying hard maging chickboy
Babaeng nagkukunwaring totoy
Babaeng hindi babae
Babaeng hindi lalaki

Kahon, kinakahon, ikakahon
Ang babaeng kinulong ng panahon
Babaeng ninanakawan ng pagkakataon
Gumawa ng sariling depinisyon
Sariling desisyon
Sariling kumpirmasyon
Ng pagkababae

Sunugin, sirain, itapon ang mga kahon
Kulungan ng babaeng gustong umahon

Sunugin, sirain, itapon ang mga kahon
Ng mapaghusgang lipunang nanglalamon

Sunugin, sirain, itapon ang mga kahon
Babae, kelan mo sasagutin ang iyong hamon?

Of Date Rape

2005-02-07T16:19:00.000+08:00

Didn’t you hear my cries
The silent panic in my eyes
Didn’t you feel my pain
My heart cried out in vain

I cannot forget that one stupid night
The promise you gave to make things right
I remember the way you stayed so close
I felt the shivers up to my toes

And then I saw your eyes on me
I felt the kiss, the hot embrace
You smell of beer but I didn’t care
I was too lost in your powerful stare

And then it started getting out of hand
Your hands pinned me down to the hard ground
You have become my body’s enemy
Hell welcomed me much too easily

I woke up with scratches, a headache and a bloodstain
You are gone—but the pain remains
I get up to go to a place where people care
It’s just too bad you won’t be there.

Of Violence

2005-02-07T16:15:00.000+08:00

One more shout
One more slap
And you have a full collection
Of bruises that have scarred your soul

You are ready to die
With the force of his words:
Fuck off, fuck you, putang ina mo

You are ready to die
With his every little lie:
You are my love, my life’s asset
Too bad -- You are also his goddamned pocket

You hear another round of:
Sorry, give me one last chance, Di na mauulit
It has become one pathetic non-merry go round

You are ready to drown
With the flood of his doing
Hurtful words, hurtful fists, hurtful lies

MARLON

2005-02-01T10:37:00.000+08:00

My head aches with the flurry of blurry activity that you have initiated. And yet I fell in love with you because you are like that. In a way, I am scared shit because I find myself in my shoes a couple of years ago – actually trusting another person the security of my days. And yet, I do, with you. So effortlessly, in fact, that I am in constant panic. Oh how easy it would be for you to play with my heart. How easy it is for you to confirm my fears by living them all.

It has been two months. My fears haven’t materialized. Slowly, I release my grip of uncertainly and feel the wind of spontaneity whip my face. I realize that I like it. It frees me from the burden of worrying too much, of the constructs that have become my pillars, of the structure that has provided my sense of security. Now, I am learning the value of your words. I feel the gentle caress of your love and I realize that warmth is different from comfort, and that trust is but another face of security.

There you go again – firing rapid words burning with your plans. I smile deep inside. I see myself in you, wanting so much to spin the web of our future together. You look at me and your smoldering sincerity threw me back. There. Despite our similarities, I now see the spice that differentiates us: You are the planner of our life together. And yet, you are willing to roll up your sleeves and start doing it NOW.

How can I not be a willing partner?

The Road Ahead

2005-01-16T15:52:00.000+08:00

I know I am in this for the ride
But i cannot help wonder
Will the end of the trip
Spark smiles,
Paint light,
Fire hearts?
O will it be the sole reason
to hide my side,
Dim my eyes
and bade goodbye?

These questions keep me up
in the stillness of the night.

I dare not complain.

These questions form the rails
with which my heart hold tight.

The Past

2005-01-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

Okay, okay. So i have never had the guts of showing my poems to the world.FYI, i only write under the influence of extreme emotion (mostly pain). Fine, i will conquer my fear today and "publish" one of my writings. Not that it will matter to you. This hurdle is mine, and it is enough for me to know that you reading this, is my finish line.

February 2002

After all these years, you still lie
You do it so effortlessly,
You almost
get away with it.
But the stink,
The stink is always there.
Rotting your image from me
Affirming that you really cannot change
And now you come to me
After you’re done with her
And you wonder why
I effortlessly dismiss you?
Why my eyes are dull, free
Of die-hard puppy love for you?
Think hard
Sit still
You just might smell
Of your broken promises.

Fullness of Nothing

2005-01-15T01:42:00.000+08:00

I cannot sleep but my eyes are droopy. Yes, i get ruffled too. However, i cannot pinpoint why and that is keeping me awake too long.

So i open my blogspot/page/home or wadever you call this thing, and there it is, right before my eyes: NOTHING.

It seemed to sum up my day.

WANTED: BLOG Instructor

2005-01-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

Imagine my dismay when i surfed my newly-discovered blog world!

Nothing. I refuse to comment. I refuse to even start.

My blog ought to be happier. Perky, almost irritable kinda happy. Steaming coffee that scalds the tongue. Scraping nails on a flat surface. THAT kinda happy.

But i guess i need an instructor for me to accomplish that and more. Ho-hum.

Eggs Galore

2005-01-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

I feel like an egg tonight, surrounded by more eggs, each more fragile, each about to crack.

The funniest thing is that I remember my mom in one of her notorious baking sessions telling me that eggs hold the batter together. Eggs gel stuff together. They crack for good reason. Plus, given the chance of cracking on time, can, in actuality, fulfill being wombs of potential lives.

So how does one egg differ from another? One is broken, another is yet to break and the markings are there. Both are in almost similar pain. Each is burdened with pain of yielding and giving in to what is the most natural. And the pain is so much bigger than their egg-selves that they are enveloped in an omelet-like cacophony of trying to search for answers. No one understands, except for those of the same kind.

Perhaps there is a harmony among eggs. The proud knowledge that one’s existence is essential for many dishes to form, and yet the shell-thin hope that no step be taken yet to make true their destiny. But when the inevitable happens, and they all land in the pan, the optimistic view that at the very least, they are going to make someone full.

Full enough to make him sick.